im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
