just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
