when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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