so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize