Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
