i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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