So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
