Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
