what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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