Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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