Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
