Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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