u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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