so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
