So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
im six kinds of drunk right now
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
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I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
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Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
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