She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
