Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
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