How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
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