I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
