He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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