we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Randomize
