I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
