Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
kristin has been a bad kristin
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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