this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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