Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
