i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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