She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Randomize
