At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
That was an excessively violent trivia night
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
