my vag is so smooth its legendary
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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