The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Your penis caused this!
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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