He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
