After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
