dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
