drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
