I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
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