My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
