wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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