what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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