Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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