Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize