Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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