didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
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