I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Randomize
