i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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