I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Randomize
