I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
