I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
