He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Randomize
