planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
