That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
