You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
