Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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