I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
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He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
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