I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
