so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
