bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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