Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
It's rum buckets o'clock
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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