Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
