Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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