Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
We talked him into tasing himself.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I think I just sharted jello shots
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
