someone get that fucking seahorse.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Randomize
