I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I love having hate sex.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
