The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
