I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
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