i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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