Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
