Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
