I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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