he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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