idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Gay?
German.
Pity.
my liver is dry heaving
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
