I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
