Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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