Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
