Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
