we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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