I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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