Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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