You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
