every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
